Today, I went to my first house group in over a year.
I know right? Me the ‘oh so perfect Christian who does everything right’. Well, firstly Louise, there’s no such thing as a “perfect Christian” and secondly, it’s not your fault you haven’t been for a year.
Oh really blog writing Louise? I could have gone to the Bible studies run by St Mikes in my final year but I decided not to.
Yes but Louise, you were a mess in your third year. That’s why you didn’t go.
What on earth am I doing?
I’m going crazy.
Anyway, dear reader, the point of this blog is not to comment on my clearly deteriorating mental health. The point of this blog is to try and describe how I felt at house group.
I was the youngest by far. Both in age and probably Christian maturity. But, that didn’t stop me getting involved and connecting with both the people there and with God. Now, before I went crazy, I mentioned I haven’t been to a cell group in over a year and it’s true. Life got too much and I stopped trying.
Having said that, I’m in a different place now. I’m out of Aber, I’m out of St Mikes, and it’s time to reconnect with my Heavenly Father.
The pastor was at house group tonight and he asked me how I was finding the church. And he told me to be completely honest. And if I’m being honest with you guys, I choked up a little bit.
I said this:
When I first left Aber, I struggled. I struggled to fit in, connect with God and to connect with people. When I left Aber I was in a bad place. Aber was home for three years, the only place that’s felt like home after growing up in the care system. And dad being out of the picture and my mum being dead nearly 7 years. Leaving Aber I didn’t know what my life was or where I was going. It wasn’t until I started to help with the kids work tht I realised I had a place here. That my giftings were useful. It wasn’t until I was going through a very dark patch and a friend sent me a particular text that I realised this is where I’m meant to be. At least for now. This is the place where I’m meant to grow and develop and connect with God once more. Where I’ll find a job that God wants me to have and figure out where I’m going from there. It’s been a struggle the past four months but I’m getting there. And the church is starting to help me with that.
Well, I had something to that effect.
And one of the ladies there said something that rang true. She said me being here was like a stepping stone. Not somewhere I’ll spend the rest of my life (probably) but a step in the right direction. Plus, the pastor then explained that though I’ve not been with the church very long I’ve jumped straight into the deep end. Designed games for events we couldn’t use because of bad weather, joining the young adults group, leading kids church… all these things I’ve done in four months which took me three years to get comfortable doing in Aber.
So, the moral of this story is that tonight I was reminded of something monumental. I was reminded that God has a plan for my life. He knows where I’m going and how I’m going to get there. He knows when I’m turning left and I’m when I’m turning right. I may be struggling to fit in and I may be isolated, but God has never left my side.
And He never will.