Sunday August 2 2015
Despite having been sat on my rather large derrière for most of the day yesterday, I was still in bed by half 9 as I was simply exhausted. Walking the dog and getting locked in really takes it out of you. I’m really hopeful that walking the dog for a minimum of an 1 hour 20 minutes a day will help me lose weight as nothing is working and I have literally no motivation. Anna and Mark’s wedding is this month and my original goal was to lose 2 dress sizes…yeah, that didn’t happen. I’d quite like to feel good and look nice, and not feel judged at a wedding where I will know virtually no-one.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t go to church today. The guy’s son didn’t come this morning which meant (as I suspected) I wouldn’t get hugs, or company or constant phone signal! But it’s okay, I coped with it. Next Sunday: I’ll be there.
I know that God is with me wherever I am, and that His love never fails. I found a TV channel on digital which was broadcasting sermons and I caught the end of one when I came in from this morning’s dog walk. It was about trusting God and letting Him carry you when you need carrying. When I spent time with God yesterday, I asked Him to help me trust Him wholeheartedly and that I could rely on Him. Over the past couple of days, I’ve really felt that.
Being alone with a dog and a cat for company gives you plenty of time to think. And when I’m out walking the dog I get to admire the (same) views that God created. In that moment, however, I feel close to Him. I don’t feel ashamed to talk to Him or to thank Him. I spent almost all of my 40 minute with the dog yesterday afternoon talking to God. And it felt so good. I’ve discovered that when I’m in my own home, I’m not very good at talking to Him. I take Him for granted. But being in a stranger’s home, I’m asking Him for safety and protection and peace. Then I’m thanking Him for those exact things.
Despite being someone who loves their own company, I’ve learnt the past couple of days that I thrive of human contact. Talking to friends, laughing… I feel rather alone being isolated here with a dog and a cat. I’ve been told that I can leave the dog for up to 4 hours without it having a nervous breakdown but I can’t exactly do a lot with 4 hours if an hour of that time is going to be me walking into town. Human contact, I think, may be a survival thing of mine. I don’t have much phone signal, and I can only use the internet at certain points in the day. And although I just implied thinking was good, too much thinking is bad.
I can’t tell you how much I crave hugs or conversation. I long for the fellowship of my fellow Brothers and Sisters in Christ. I guess I’ll just have to suck up and get on with it.
Only six days left.