I am a person who constantly feels unloved, unwanted, out of place and a nuisance. But, I am a person who knows that I am loved, wanted, that I have a place and I’m not a nuisance. The perks of being me.
But the other day, I have never felt so loved in my entire life.
As written in my previous blog (It’s not a feeling, it’s an action |Forgiveness) I spoke about how difficult the Sunday evening service was at church. And when I say it was difficult, I mean it was difficult.
I cried, I cried some more and I cried even more. I did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I had to think about everything.
At my church, after the evening service, we have this thing for students called ‘The Living Room’ and this is where students can come for an hour to chill with tea, hot chocolate…I’m in the kitchen because I like it there. Once ‘Living Room’ finishes, I’m the person who tidies up and I love it. I like being useful and helping the student pastors and making their lives easier.
Once I left the place where we hold ‘Living Room’ and I headed home (literally a minute up the road) I just needed to think.
I needed to walk and think. Think about life, God, family, me…
So, I put my headphones in, turned up my music. And I walked.
I headed down the road, towards the prom, turned left and continued to walk. My music was blasting in my ears and I thought. I thought a lot.
This blog isn’t supposed to be about the amount of time I spent thinking, this blog is about me being reminded that I am loved, wanted, not a nuisance and that I have a place.
I have this group of friends who I call the musketeers. I’m the fourth musketeer because I’m the ‘fake’ one. This story involves two of my musketeers as I walked and thought, and thought and walked.
As I walked down the road towards my house, with my music still blasting in my ears, there was suddenly an arm around me. I looked up and I saw a musketeer. It was a particular musketeer with whom I have many issues with recently for a number of reasons, but on this particular Sunday he had suddenly become compassionate, loving and caring again. I put an arm round him and plucked an earphone out of my ear. A mere second later, another arm was around me. I look to the other side of me, and there was another musketeer. I put my other arm around him and we continue to walk down the road.
Walking down the road we chat, about the service, about life…it was literally the nicest thing ever. In this cheeky Christian side hug with the added movement of walking; it made me smile. When we arrived outside my door, we parted. Purely because I wasn’t going in. I was going to carry on walking and thinking and they were going another route.
The thing about this story is, my friends (the musketeers) had to make an effort to catch up with me. It wouldn’t surprise me if they had tried to call my name but because my music was blowing up my eardrums, I didn’t hear them. They surrounded me with their love and their care, they walked with me. Even though they left me to carry on, they weren’t far away.
I don’t tell you this story to show you how amazing my friends are, I tell you this story as this moment reminded me greatly of God’s love. He makes an effort to make us hear Him, He wants to walk with us and surround us. We just need to take out the distractions of life, take out the earphones so we can hear Him. He loves us so much no matter how rubbish life is, no matter how much you want throw the towel in. He wants to walk with us and yes, at times it will be uncomfortable – He won’t give up.
He’s calling our name. He wants us to hear Him. His love never leaves us and He is surrounding us whatever our situation is. He isn’t just protecting us from the side, He’s in front, behind, up and down.
I am a person who constantly feels unloved, unwanted, out of place and a nuisance. But I am a person who knows that I am loved, wanted, that I have a place and I’m not a nuisance.
God loves me. Jesus saved me. God loves me. Jesus saved me. I don’t have a right to feel unloved because the greatest Father of them all loves me. I am not unwanted because God created me, Jesus died on the cross for me. I am not out of place as God placed me here to fulfil his purpose. I am not a nuisance because God made me in His image and I highly doubt He’d create a nuisance.
If I am all these things, then you are too.